Oh Sweet Mama Cash, Goddess of Shopping Carts and the Continue Shopping Button -- I confess it. I really, really want to shop today. It's not that I don't have anything to do. I have plenty to do, even plenty of free, fun, stuff to do. It's just that I NEEEEEED something. I know I have passing thoughts every day (like "hmm...I could use a couple more nice short-sleeved date blouses"). But today's cravings are sharp, like the hunger pangs of a just-waking bulimic bear who purged right before hibernation. (So shoot me; I'm not so good with the similes.) Mother of Ebay, I have issues coming up that I don't want to deal with. The world around us has exploded and a lot of people are waking up right now to their privilege. And I do have privilege -- oh my god, how *much* privilege I walk around with. I was gifted with an honest face at birth. So I can lie straight to your face and you probably won't question me. I'm a native English speaker. So I automatically understand most instructions that come to me in government packets. I'm white. I don't have to look over my shoulder in public, or try to be invisible when cops are around. But as You on Your Golden Throne (in the Women's Restroom at the Downtown Macy's, the best place to do one's business in Seattle) know, I'm also paranoid. Thou hast seen me look over my shoulder in public, and Dear Sister of Sweets, save me from cops noticing me. Thou knowst how, as my world shrinks, I need to dive deep into the Sacred Pools of Pages online, drooling as I fill and empty, fill and empty shopping carts, only to fill them once more in pursuit of the ideal number and type of purchases that will give me POWER and CHOICE and FREEDOM, for those are the things I seek when I shop. Dear Father Fingerhut, I thank Thee for the gifts Thou hast wrought: new blenders and space-saving vacuum bags, "dorm gear" (whatever that is), and a credit rating low enough to bring me compassion towards my less privileged brothers and sisters. To the Exalted Energies moving through Easy Street -- thank You for the hours of table space for coffee and the James Browns with Aadvark Sauce, affording me a safe space to escape the assault of the senses that is the Junction. O Glorious Giver: You know how much I've enjoyed being on my own for the last few days. You've inspired in me the freedom to dress up in costume and make faces at myself in the mirror. or practice the ukelele at midnight. But You have also left me alone a great deal to my own thoughts and fears. Captured me in the Crypt of Terror that is my own Mind. May this particular craving to buy something pass quickly, as I realize it is about wanting freedom from being trapped without having to do the work of freeing myself. I have set away the belief that if I can just spend money, it will fix everything. Tomorrow I will leave the house to take a walk. Today I'll just revel in the freedom of not having to go out. And boom. Just like that. [Craving diminished. It's always good to remember I have choices that don't rely on money, and that I am a power in my own life.]
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ArchivesAuthorVirginia Lore enjoys living life as an experiment and frequently steps out of her comfort zone -- when she's not hiding out in her room with the covers over her head that is. You may email her: [email protected] |